2018 Taught Me...

This is an old picture, but I have found myself looking at it quite often since it was taken. It was taken right in the midst of one of the most devastating points of 2018 for me. I am so fascinated by this picture, though, because all of the pain I was feeling during this time looks as if it were nonexistent...and to most people around me, I maintained this facade that my pain was, in fact, nonexistent. But now, I’m going to be honest and say that 2018 was a very hard year for me. In fact, it was probably the hardest I’ve experienced yet, which has resulted in plenty of discovery. I’m going to share a few of the things I’ve learned in 2018, so read on, if you so please...

1. {Just because you think you deserve a break, that doesn’t mean the world will give you one.}

Man oh man has 2018 been a year of endurance for me. I always felt like the good and the bad have been sufficiently balanced in my life, until this past year. It felt like thunderstorm after thunderstorm kept coming my way (and if you know me, you know I hate thunderstorms). It seemed as if when I got up, I would immediately get knocked back down, and life would be in the corner laughing at me ruthlessly. This is rough, because it makes you question so many aspects of your personality, lifestyle, and even appearance. But having said this, and having experienced a year of pain, tears, anger, and ugly prayers, I leave 2018 saying this:

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance” James 1:2-3

2. {There is beauty in pain.}

Truthfully, I didn’t realize this lesson until just the other night at dinner. I was telling my friend how much I respect myself, because I now have a glimpse into what I’m capable of overcoming. I have experience with pain, confusion, and unfairness firsthand. Even though I may not have understood why I had to suffer a little at the time, it is somewhat comforting to know that I can conquer many unforeseen trials. I have taught myself amazing strength, and I am continuing to remain strong and full of hope. My ability to deal with hardships has given me a great sense of respect for myself, because I have been able to pick myself up from what felt like rock bottom. I believe I am much more capable of combatting negativity and unfortunate situations in whatever form they are thrown at me, which will hopefully always be valuable to me. I am leaving 2018 confident that it has better prepared me for my future, so that I may face my future hardships with elegance and grace. It really is true that our weaknesses make us wiser and stronger, and for that, I am so thankful for 2018, because boy have I seen a ton of my weaknesses this year.

“I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed to us.” Romans 8:18, but really the entire verses from 18-28 apply here.

3. {DON’T GIVE UP!}

This is so important. This year, when I felt hurt, lost, and forgotten, God went out of His way to show me that He was STILL working for me. I got angry at Him this year. I sinned. I ignored my calling as a Christian at times. In the midst of all of this, God still had complete strangers come up to me and tell me some of His specific, magnificent plans for me. Considering the way I was feeling and living, that in itself is a miracle. But in addition to that, he still gave me people to serve. He kept me humble by constantly showing me that no matter how bad I feel like I may have it, there is always someone who has it worse. There will always be hardships that arise, but that never means that our purpose has disappeared. I have heard a declaration a couple times that goes something like this: if you have breath in your lungs, if you woke up today, there IS a calling on your life, and there IS a purpose for you. This is the most true thing... and I believe that for everyone.

“The Lord is close to the broken hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” Psalm 34:18

I don’t think I’ve worded this post perfectly, but I simply hope that my honesty will give someone else hope, too. I post many of the highlights of my life on social media, but I’m never really open about the not-so-pretty things going on. I post little glimpses here and there, and just like in this picture, you have no idea what I’m really doing or feeling. I saw many people posting about how 2018 was the best year for them or that they fell in love with life this year. That’s awesome for them. I didn’t feel this way at all, but I was tempted to go on like usual and pretend that I did on social media. However, I decided that it’s okay to admit that I haven’t had a great year and that I’m not exactly who I want to be yet. I pray that I take the lessons I have learned in 2018 and use them to become who I am intended to be. This life, especially in this time period, can be tricky. Looking back on 2018, and even more so after reflecting in this post, I feel so grateful for the past, and so hopeful for the future. There will always be lessons to be learned and room for me to grow! Happy New Year!

Also I typed this at 3 am after a weekend of traveling so I apologize for any grammatical errors....or if you just think this post sucks

!!!